scottfriday:

muffpunch:

Oh, fuck you, you bigoted sack of shit.

“I’m not ashamed to admit that I’m a Christian, but you don’t have to be in the pew every Sunday to shove the only true religion - yours - down everyone else’s throat like a sloppy, prom-night boner.

“Did I mention I’m also ‘pro-life’? I am, regardless of having over 200 people executed by the state of Texas on my watch and my unwavering stance on increasing national defense. Hey, if they ain’t babies, fuck ‘em, right?

“How do I reconcile these conflicting ideals? Easy. By using a little something called ‘cognitive dissonance’. I don’t know what it means, but hell, you could say that for just about anything.

“So just remember the never-ending gravy boat orgy that was American Politics last time you had a hardly literate right-wing Christian Texas cowboy in the office, and vote for me.

“Because fuck yeah, that’s why.”